Conker Meets Frank West
by Le Rusecue
Summary: It is about conker on a military games while him and his team accidentally fly to Willamette park view mall. All characters are owned by either Capcom, or Rare. CURRENTLY BEING REVISED
1. damn you soldier

"OKAY SOLDIERS ATTEN-TION." yelled the general. "Now as you all know the SHC official wargames are coming up, and every year we lose, can anyone tell me why?"A soldier raised his hand."YES you soldier?"

"Because we suck and most of us are just recruits i think."

"Hehehe close soldier but...WRONG AS HELL!!WE LOSE BECAUSE ALL OF YOU, ARE DAMN LAZEY ASSES, WELL THATS GONNA CHANGE YOU ALL HEAR ME!"

"YES SIR!" yelled all the soldiers...well all but one that is.

"Oh no no come please NO!!" saida particularly different squirrel, playing a videogame

".SOLDIER!"

"Huh oh yeah what is it sarge?"

"Hehehe well heres the thing 1.I am no longer sargent i am a general 2. You are not paying attention 3.AND YOUR PLAYING A DAMN VIDEO GAME DURING A MEETING."

"But...but..i..er..was paying attention!" the squirell said back.

"Really then what did i just say?"

"You said we lose because we are lazy asses and thats gonna change..."

There was a moment of silence."Damn you soldier, Damn you."


	2. pee in a beer bottle

hey im BACK!!! hehehhee oh wait im posting this like 2 minutes from the first chapter?

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Hey guys does any have a beer?asked conker.I do but i want it back after your done.said the grunt of there sqaud.Um... okay sure.  
i actually just want the bottle for um...well you know.Do it in the water then.said rodent of there um well he's rodent.  
well i dont have to pee any more well might as well drink it later.he said as he puts the bottle down next to him.  
Time for some shut eye good night guys.  
later  
oh man i gotta pee-pee now.said the demolisher.picks up bottle.Hey sky!  
Huh. Oh its just you what is it.  
Can you drink this for me please?  
Um...you didnt piss in it did you?  
No Not yet any way.  
oh alright then.Grabs beer from demolishers handCheersChugs down beeroh man i feel so Throws up over boatNight Nightgoes to sleep  
Oh thank god im almost about to pee-pee myself.unzips pants and pees in bottleoh yeah thats a releif.  
later  
SOLDIERS!!!!!!!!!!yelled the general.  
Huh oh hey my beer.said conker.finnaly i can sit down on dry land and enjoy a nice.  
he was cut of by the general.Why thank you soldier i havent had a beer in ahwile.  
starts to chug down beer  
um sir actually thats my.  
general spits out beer  
SOMEONE PISSED IN THIS BEER!  
Oh in that case you can have it then.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX well what do you think i think it was funny well thats me well any way ill update in a few days or tomorrow i dunno 


	3. run to the ship

just adding a chapter here at 12:04 oi vey im gonna be tired

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ALRIGHT MEN FRONT AND CENTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now then we are going on our games with a peace with the tediz as a yearly tradition and...

so sorry to cit you off general but me and my tediz...well we wanna change the tradition.said the tediz leader(not kriplespac)

How so?

We decided that well we dont wanna be at peace with you SHC so MEN PRESENT WEAPONS (tediz get out weapons)

Oh shi...

FIRE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHC NOW RUN TO THE MULES!!!!!!!!one of the generals as he was shot throught the chest.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys... guys...RUN!!!!!!!!!yelled conker

(the bullets where flying throught the air explosions where seen and blood was spilling and the transportation was exploding)  
OH GOD SKY OPEN THE VEHICLE!!!!!!!!!

oh god i cant NO!!!!!!!!

(the sky jockey is then shot throught the right arm)

OW!!!!!!!!!!!

SKY NO!!!!!!!!! GET THE MED GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE IS IT!!!!!!!!!

ITS IN THE TOOL BOX!!!

(sky jockey reaches for med gun but then all of a sudden it explodes because a bazooka hit it causing sky to go flying and land what looks to be in a very uncomfortable condition SKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yelled the demolisher.IM COMING BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEMOLISHER NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!yelled the longranger.

LOOK SOME SHC ARE BY A MULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!yelleda tediz demolisher.

sky can you hear me?

ye...yeah i.i.i.i cant feel my legs ju.just leave m.m.m.m.me behind

NO!

(picks up sky jockey and runs toward the mule)

GUYS HURRY GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rodent can you fly a ship?

Um...ill try.

(demolisher puts sky jockey in one seat then gets in one seat himself)

GUYS!!!! IN HERE HURRY!!!!!

(long ranger shoots tedi in the eye then jumpss in a seat)

(thermophile jumps over the mule and then gets in a seat)

(Grunt gets out gun and shoots as he goes around the corner of the mule and jumps in a seat)

(sneeker cuts off tediz head then throws a knife at one which goes through his eyeand then slides under the mule and hops in a seat)

Rodent FLY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(mule takes off conker shoots a grunt tedi and starts to run after the ship the door to the gun opens conker runs and jumps grabbing on to edge ofthe floor he then hops in and closes the door)

HEY BOYS WAIT FOR YOUR GENERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(general jumps and lands on top of the mule)

WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!HHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. frank west and the computer

OH GOD AM I TIRED IVE BEEN UP FOR OW

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MEANWHiLE

(Frank west is at the security room watching a tv he found out there)

and today kids we will learn why beer is bad.

Screw you monkey.said photojournalist Frank West

he was the only one in the security room awake.

Hmmmmmm. maybe i can kill some time by looking up stuff

(frank opens laptop and types in army he see's a bunch of results and see's something that says SHC)

What in the worlds SHC?

(frank clicks on that)

(a banner pops up and says WELCOME future soldier frank exits the banner)

wow weaponry.

(frank clicks and see's a bazooka and stares at it a long time)

Recruits?

(frank clicks on the recruits sign and see's...

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OHHH cliff hanger i suck eh 


	5. they meet FINALLY

1:11 and im very tired i just want one person to review come on please so i can sleep

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX frank west see's the recruits most hve a sign under them that says terminated

Hmmm.

(reads down names)

private Danny fit: Terminated

Private Jonathen damp:Terminated

General Daxter jenkin:terminated

Private Conker The Squirrel:M.I.A

(frank reads the rest of the names)

sounds like that conker guys pretty lucky.said frank

(Suddenly there is a loud crashing noise)

What the...

Frank did you here that?asked Brad.

Yeah but what was it?

Lets go see.

(frank and brad run up to the heliport and see a crashed vehicle)

Hello?asked brad.Is anyone in there?

(suddenly a large squirrel jumps out of vehicle and tackles brad)

BRAD!

HOLD IT IVE GOT SERIOUS FIRE AND ACID AND IM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.yelled the thermophile.

(frank raises his arms and drops his hand gun)

Now are you a freind or enemy?

SHOOT HIM ANY WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeled the demolisher.

(Otis jumps out and shoots the thermophile in the Arm and he drops his gun which frank picks up)

looks like your out numbered.

oh no we arent.

um can you do math theres three of us and two of you.

GUYS!

(every one jumps from behind the vehicle)

Oh man!(throws gun on floor and kicks it over to the thermophile on accident)

Thats just great!

Listen we dont wanna fight you alright!WE just wanna t...

STEP ANY CLOSER AND ILL PUMP YOU FULL OF LEAD PUT YOU IN A TANK AND BLOW YOU UP!!!!!!!!

(frank steps back)

eheheheh i never said if you stepped closer to me hhahahahahahahahaha

(GRUNT shoots at frank but misses)

Damnit grunt you gotta get better aiming!yelled the DEMOLISHER.

JUST LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright then MR. you got 20 seconds to explain why we shouldnt shoot you.said the long ranger

BECAUSE THERE ARE HORDES OF ZOMBIES AND THEYLL KILL US!

Okay thats good enough.lets go guys.said conker

(later)

so your saying a bunch of zombiesare attacking and they could kill all of you?

(everyone nods)

okay but how come we cant stay in here?asked rodent

because some lunatic hid 5 bombs under the mall and will blow them up releasing larvae into the sky causing more zombies.said brad. conker.any way what i was wondering was can anyone help our freind a sniper shot his arm and then he flew through the sky after an explosion and he cant work his legs now

i can help.said isabela.but i need some bandages.

ill get em. said frank.

no ill get them. i aint shot anything in ahwile anyway. said the grunt

(crawls through vents)

i could get the bombs.said rodent. i mean after all this armour protects me

cool for once i can just sit around.

hey me to.

(Brad and Frank turn on T.V)

um i better help rodent the armour does protect him but hes kinda slow in it.said conker.

maybe i better go help grunt he's a great shooter but is pretty slow at reloading.said sneeker.

(later)

how did your bomb collecting go?asked frank not taking his eyes of the T.V

Some lunatic almost ran us over 17 times.said conker

Huh?thats good.said frank not caring.

wheres grunt and sneeker?asked rodent.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sneeker and grunt fall out of vent)

how do you all never fall from that thing?asked grunt

Did you get the bandages?asked isabela.

Yeah i found some.said sneeker

(hands isabela the bandages)

Got any beer?asked the dry sky jockey.

I have got a hidden stash under the floors.said Otis.

AWWWWWWWW YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(later)

Damn Zombies dumb muthers i...hic...bet i could take on every sing god forsaken one.said the shirtless demolisher.

i...i...i dar you to do it du...hic...kehehhe.said the drunken grunt

i...i...ii.i.i.i...will.

(tears off pipe and puts it on his back and takes off helmet and puts on a head band)

come get some you...hic...zerbays.

(crawls up vent)

who the hell was that...hic.asked the drunk butt sneeker.

heheheheheheh.I LIKE BEERY BEER.yelled the long ranger.

BEER MAKES ME CRAZIER AND FASTER AND STRONGER WHOHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yelled the themophile.

im so drunk i can barely see my bellies full of hagus and hurt ill go puke on the computer!!!!!!!!!1yelled rodent

ME TO!!!!!!!!!!!said the now shirtless and bandaged up sky jockey.

IM DRUNK.said conker.

I can tell theses squirrels will be very hard to live with.said jessie

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	6. pee in beer bottle part TWO

ehehehheheheheh conker chapter 6

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hey do you all have weapons?asked conker.

Well no we get what we can from the mall.said brad

Really then wel we have a whole arsenal of other weapons you can see em you can use but only if we get em back and dont blow up your head.

okay.said a confused frank.

(meanwhile)

oh man where the hell am i.said the general .he was infront a brocken window.oh man my...huh.

(graoning noises)

Zombies? well then...LETS SEE ALL OF YOU STAND UP TO MY UZI'S

(zombies keep coming)

I WARNED YOU ALL

(shoots 10 zombies then starts to run the the crowd shooting as he goes)

(later)

(the general is infront of the security door surrounded by hundreds of gunned down zombies and he is in front of a door and attempts to open hit but it seems welded shut)

hey let me in please i cant get in help!

Genral? is..is that you?said a voice of a familiar orange squirrel.

CONKER HELP ME!!!!!

you cant get in the doors welded shut hey but you could go to the rooftops.

(general smashes a windo and climbs up the walls)

(later)

whew h..hey i cant fit throughht that

(elevator door opens allowing tons of zombies to come out)

GREAT! JUST GREAT!

(general looks over and sees heliport he also see's the crashed mule)

Oh no GIVE ME STRENGTH!!

(general runs as a zombie almost bites him)

JERANIMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(general jumps right before falling off of rooftop and lands real bad)

OUCH OH GOD!!!

(gets up and sees a door)

thats either my ticket out or a key to more zombies.

(opens door and see's sky jockey laying on the saving point)

WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU SON?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

the damn tediz shot my arm and then someone shot at me with...witha..(cough)a bazooka..a.a.a..

Where did ya get the bandages?and wheres your goggles and your shirt?

th..th...th..that lady wrapped me..up(takes breath)the bandages. the goggles are..there there cracked so..so i put em in there

(points to the door to the security room)

(walks into room and see's conker target practicing with his gun on the wall)

oh hey general.said conker(salutes the genral)

Wheres everyone else?

um well that hispanic girls in her other hide out the other girls watching the moniters that frank guy is out there and the other dude is in there watching T.V

well wheres your team?

there in there watching T.V with that other dude.

(general opens door)

Wheres demolisher.

um yeah well he had to much to drink and long story short he went out there with a metal pipe and a bandana on his head

that retard hey got any beer?

Um yeah here you go.

There isnt piss in it is there?

I dont think so

(Chugs down beer)

oh wait there might be.

(general spits out beer all of the gall window and on the computer)

THERES PISS IN THIS BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. leaving

that poor poor general eh now really people i wanna know you read this so just review it once

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hmmmmm.said the general

i wonder how can we find a way out of this place?

Um could we call the base general sir?asked rodent.

We dont have a phone though.

actually theres one behind the computer.said jessie

(takes phone from behind computer and hands it to the general)

thanks.

(diles in alot of number)

yeah hey guys can ya help us out were in williamette parkveiw mall...Huh?...no...there's...but cant you...oh yeah i remember...NO DONt YOU DARE SOLDIER!

(Throws the phone causing it to break)

They cant help us because apperently the tediz are heading here!and our strongest soldier is probably still running around aimlessly because he's still drunk knowing him

(then everyone in the room hears something from the heliport above then they hear something on the roof top)

Thats never good.said conker

(door bust's open as about 20 tediz pour in)

(vent flies open as 1 by one tediz pour in)

Crap!

(later)

(every one is in a chair with three put together and they are all tied together)

(Dr. Barnaby is Snoring and drooling)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(tedi wakes up and shoots the wall with a machine gun)

BE QUITE YOU DANG HOOLIGANS IM TRYING TO NAP!!!!!!!!!!

Oh sorry sir.

i dont care.(goes back to sleep)

hey demolisher.asked a tedi

Yeah what.said the demolisher on the tediz side

What do all the men in a singles bar have in common?

I dunno what?

THERE ALL MARRIED!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

BE QUITE YOU HOOLIGANS!I'M TRYING TO NAP!

Sorry.

I Don't care.(falls asllep again)

(a tedi turns on a T.V and accidentaly sits on the volume button)

THAT'S IT YOU HOOLIGANS!!!!!

(squirms out of rope and walks up to one tedi and pulls up a chair and pulls his pants down and spanks him)

(tedi starts to whimper and cry)

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAWAAAAAAAAAAA

NOW BE QUITE YOU HOOLIGANS!

(gets back in rope)

Hey Docter Untie me.said frank west.

Huh?yeah what ever.

(gets up and unties frank)

(later)

alright we are all untied now lets get the weapons and kill them quickly.

(conker gets an uzi and shoots at a tedi)

ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(later)

Hey guys are there any left?asked the sky jockey.

No i dont think so.said conker

YOUR WRONG!

(the tedi leader walks from behind the stairs with a machine gun)

DEAD WRONG!

(fires machine gun and almost all hit the sky jockey)

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

(conker grabs the sneekers knife and throws it at tediz leader which hits him in the leg)

owwwww!!!!!!!(take knife out and throws it behind him)TAKE THIS yoU STUPID SQUIRREL!

(aims gun at conker as every one tries to shoot him but evreyones out of ammo)

(sky jockey grabs tediz leaders leg causing him to trip and fall on the knife but it goes through his head)

SKY!thanks sky i owe y...

(conker rolls him over to see bullet holes all over him and his bandages are red)

(The door flies open revealing tons of zombies coming however the zombies didnt break the door)

Guys hurry to the mule now!yelled the demolisher.

Everyone shares a seat except rodent who is flying and conker who is gunning

(Looks over to see sky jockey sitting up against the wall next to the door)

arent you coming?

Nah...i..i...i'd just slow you all down(coughs)

no you wont man.

CONKER HURRY UP!

OKAY HANG ON A SEC!

just go man ill be fine.

Okay Good Bye

I'll...probably see ya at the bar conker.

yeah. bye

(gets in gunners seat and closes door)

(the mule flys off and conker looks out the door to see sky jockey still just sitting conker then closes the door)

yeah ill seeya.

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REVEIW WHAT YOU THINK PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	8. sky's rescue and epilouge

well this is the last fo my first story...well the first part of it...

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(sky jockey is layin against the door as he hears moaning behind the door)

im gonna die arent i...

No.said a voice.

W...w...w...who's there.

i am...you from your future.

i...i...i...i have no f...f...f...future...not any more...

yes you still have a future you just must believe you have to sum up your strength and try to make it or else you'll be right about not having a future.

how can i sur...

(he was cut of by choppers blades he heard)

FRED FRED ARE YOU THERE!!!

hey.

you gotta yell louder than that

Hey.  
Louder

HEY.

LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ed herd this and lowered his chopper and stopped it)

wheres frank?

He HE'S...in squirrell country

okay do you need help?

Yeah i need to go there

Okay then come on

(picks up sky jockey and puts him in the helicopter)

I'm coming conker

end of part 1 (song played at the end of dead rising plays)

Conker:Conker the Squirrel Frank:Frank West Sneeker:Sneeker Demolisher:Demolisher Grunt:Grunt Thermophile:Thermophile Sky Jockey:Sky Jockey Long Ranger:long Ranger Rodent:Rodent Sheild General:Seargent Isabela:Isabela Keyes Brad:Brad Garrison Jessie:Jessica Mcarney Dr. barnaby:Russel Barnaby Otis:Otis Washington Ed:Ed Deluca (song from the end of bully plays)

Directed:Medayugiohman Sound animator:Jimmy Hopkins Filmed:MIGHTY RICK (song continues until)  
EPILOUGE:

(sky jockey wakes up and starts to run toward the cock and pluck witha smile on his face)

CONKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

(he is right in front of cock and plucker when all of a sudden...)

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sky jockey goes flying and stands back up and looks down to see conkers sweater)

No...No...NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(tediz from the future start to swarm area shooting down anyone they can see even ed except sky jockey)...

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